I've hurt so many people in my life, I admit it I don’t do it in purpose I just do it... I think 'Now' I know why my sister would always call me a 'selfish-bitch'. Yeah were not that close anymore...
I'm a loner that’s the truth so it's hard for me to keep on checking other's feelings especially if I don’t think I did something wrong and usually I' am wrong I just hate admitting it
I'm independent and I think I would suck at relationships, because it takes allot of commitment which I don’t have.
Today a friend of mine lost her opportunity to be with her true love because of some woman that didn’t shut her mouth, and now she regrets the past but she didn’t mean to… we all make mistakes people more than other but none the less Mistakes it is.
I don’t know what to do to make her happy but I tried to comfort her it's just heart breaking seeing her like that she said she wanted to die or even if she didn’t die she's just here by body only … I don’t know if she really loves him but I never saw her this devastated.
Hmm, I don’t know what to do anymore I can't be for someone 24/7 and want to work for CAS hours and still study … I can't do that so I don’t know what I'm going to do ufff such a sucky feeling, at-least NOTHING … OMG … I really suck, WOW I never thought I suck that much I never believed my sister's words until this moment yeah I' am a Selfish-Bitch.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
14 Facts :P
OMG i really want to write this but i REAAAAAALLY got to go PEE .. WOOOO ..
sorry u know i love u .. hahahh .. OMG i cant handle it !! @_@ .. WAAAAAAAAIT !
BAAAAAACK .. WoHooo .. im feeling GREAT right now .. hahaha ANYWHO !!
______________________________
some people asked me to write 14 facts about ME xD lol
so here it comes =P
1-i have a cat called "Pheoby" yes pheoby as pheoby in Friends lol
2-i LOVE to read, i have more then 100 books in the house.. arabic + english but i prefer English
3- i wear Glasses, yeah im a NERD .. u have a PROBLEM with THAT >.> lool
4- im in High School, most of girls dont want to leave school i CANT WAIT to go to UNI im a ADDICTED TO COLLAGES.. xD
5- my room is PINK .. -_- .. so NOT me .. lol
6- every song i listen to and i LIKE it,i make a Music Video for it in my head .. lol and i start imagining it in the car when i go to school and in the way back :P
7- i DANCE all the time, lol .. i LOVE to dance its my way to take all my energy out.
8- any book, song, movie and dance .. can make me Cry, im VERY emotional
9- i just started wearing HEELS .. LOL .. and the PAIN is KILLING ME .. :P
10- April, 3rd was the FIRST time i go to a 3aza "funeral" and i WISH i NEVER go again !
11- i HATE smokers. my Grandpa died of Lung Cancer because of smoking and until this day just the smell of smoke can make me feel sick and hate the person that is smoking .. SO DONT !!
12- i have an imaginary friend called "Jozef,yosuf", i get scared of the dark until now and he stand beside my bed everynight to protect me of the evil cretures that wants to attack me. and hes been with me since i was 9 years old, and well i love him so much.
13- my DREAM is to go to Thailand AGAIN and go to the Tiger Temple AGAIN, and just live with them and be a part of that wonderful family i saw .. i LOVE TIGERS =*
14- and last but not least :P , i like to eat chocolate-banana sandwitch lol, u put nutella and pieces of banana on a slice of bread with a glass of milk and eat AWAY loooooool ..
___________________________________
and that it :D
hope i made u happy love =*
THAT'S NOTHING :P i could have wrote about 50 facts xD LOL
sorry u know i love u .. hahahh .. OMG i cant handle it !! @_@ .. WAAAAAAAAIT !
BAAAAAACK .. WoHooo .. im feeling GREAT right now .. hahaha ANYWHO !!
______________________________
some people asked me to write 14 facts about ME xD lol
so here it comes =P
1-i have a cat called "Pheoby" yes pheoby as pheoby in Friends lol
2-i LOVE to read, i have more then 100 books in the house.. arabic + english but i prefer English
3- i wear Glasses, yeah im a NERD .. u have a PROBLEM with THAT >.> lool
4- im in High School, most of girls dont want to leave school i CANT WAIT to go to UNI im a ADDICTED TO COLLAGES.. xD
5- my room is PINK .. -_- .. so NOT me .. lol
6- every song i listen to and i LIKE it,i make a Music Video for it in my head .. lol and i start imagining it in the car when i go to school and in the way back :P
7- i DANCE all the time, lol .. i LOVE to dance its my way to take all my energy out.
8- any book, song, movie and dance .. can make me Cry, im VERY emotional
9- i just started wearing HEELS .. LOL .. and the PAIN is KILLING ME .. :P
10- April, 3rd was the FIRST time i go to a 3aza "funeral" and i WISH i NEVER go again !
11- i HATE smokers. my Grandpa died of Lung Cancer because of smoking and until this day just the smell of smoke can make me feel sick and hate the person that is smoking .. SO DONT !!
12- i have an imaginary friend called "Jozef,yosuf", i get scared of the dark until now and he stand beside my bed everynight to protect me of the evil cretures that wants to attack me. and hes been with me since i was 9 years old, and well i love him so much.
13- my DREAM is to go to Thailand AGAIN and go to the Tiger Temple AGAIN, and just live with them and be a part of that wonderful family i saw .. i LOVE TIGERS =*
14- and last but not least :P , i like to eat chocolate-banana sandwitch lol, u put nutella and pieces of banana on a slice of bread with a glass of milk and eat AWAY loooooool ..
___________________________________
and that it :D
hope i made u happy love =*
THAT'S NOTHING :P i could have wrote about 50 facts xD LOL
Sunday, March 15, 2009
what more ?
Being hurt by an enemy is Fine, but a so called "Friend" !
We all suffered of this one way or another same old story "friends FOR EVER! The next day the friend tells her secrets to her enemy and the girl gets heartbroken and cries her eyes out then becomes an outcast" but to me I understand when an enemy does it but a "Friend" I never understood how come a Friend would do that doesn’t she have a heart ?! People have changed I don’t believe in True friends no more I mean I have "friends" but I can never tell them everything... Don’t Blame Me... I've seen too much of this world that they should make a movie of my life.
I can never forget yesterday when a friend… more than a Friend even… does something like that in-front of me I mean I was shocked I even looked away and just stared at the floor holding myself not to cry all I was saying "free it's ok!, DON'T cry you're not weak!" but I was betraying myself… Literally… and I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks and they felt so cold but I still thank god that I was wearing my huge sun glasses and nothing showed.
I spent the whole day at school thinking what to do and what pissed me off that they acted so normal after it like nothing happened and I didn’t want to ruin the day because I skipped school to see them and we had so much fun until I noticed how much they respected me! (Sarcasm!) but still I can't ignore them I can't do anything because I'm so Damn weak!, I can't sit and watch them like that No NO! I won't sit and be like a Joke! I know people SOME people see it as nothing but I see It as something and she knows it!
I mean in the end why am I upset?, because when you respect your friend and give them everything you have of love u expect the SAME treatment! Like I treat my friends the way I like to be treated but when they do the opposite, they get in my bad side and I feel like nothing like shit when they do that I mean how could they?! Don’t they feel?! It may be a Misunderstanding but I'm pretty sure it's not.
That life for you!!
Enjoy it! Nothing is worth it.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Family !?
i know My normal day can be heaven for most BUT it's Not !
trust me when i say it SUCKS !
* giving my feet a good rub OH PAIN ! *
Yes going to school and Walking all day gives you Pain .. Yep Today i have TONS of H.W'z, quizes and WORK !
oh well .. You know what They say ! u always have to work to gain satisfaction -_- .. ( They = Mom + Dad )
My family is Pretty messed up ! and sometimes i wish that it was just US .. ( US = Me, Siz, A-Jay, Totte, Nulan, Fa9ool)
*Hint: siz is my Czn sara, A-Jay my friend sara, Totte my small brother, Nulan my big sister and Fa9ool my big brother.
OH GOD we would have SO Much FUN !
sometimes when i go to my grandma's (Dad's side) house i feel so Isolated .. like My family doesnt Belong there, I know they dont like as ! it SHOWS ! but being with them and acting normal like we Really care about each other .. since my grandpa Died *allah yr7mah * it Never really felt the same we just actually went there for Him ! and Now i feel like i was Cheated
its Not fair i was Just a KID .. im suposed to spend time with him ..
i only saw him Once or Twice a year ( for Eid ) .. im supossed to Hug him and feel Loved !
even though i didnt see him much, Never really talked to him .. just seeing his Face was enough holding him close and hugging him and feeling his renckled skin was ALL i ever had with Him !
its just Never works when we try to get close, The Harm was Done. !
Dont even let me Start with my Other family (Mom's side) lets just say with all do respect that my grandma is a Drama Queen sometimes she goes LOCO (loco = crazy) serouisly i cant even stand it but she is my grandma and i love her Allot .. but my grandpa is my Love, he is so Sweet ! and Innocent and AW ! when he talks about the GOOD OLD DAYS ! its just heart breaking seeing him so weak, but i wont lie they all are LOCO's.. sometimes!!.. no let me rephrase that Most of the time. !
but you know in the END, they are MY Family.
No matter how much i try to hate them, curse them, feel bad for them. they will always be there for Me .. That's what Family's For !
People Family is Family .. you can Never Cut them out of your Life .. NEVER ! .. so be Nice to each other !
and so there Blood runs throw My vains and for that i will Forever be Greatful !
trust me when i say it SUCKS !
* giving my feet a good rub OH PAIN ! *
Yes going to school and Walking all day gives you Pain .. Yep Today i have TONS of H.W'z, quizes and WORK !
oh well .. You know what They say ! u always have to work to gain satisfaction -_- .. ( They = Mom + Dad )
My family is Pretty messed up ! and sometimes i wish that it was just US .. ( US = Me, Siz, A-Jay, Totte, Nulan, Fa9ool)
*Hint: siz is my Czn sara, A-Jay my friend sara, Totte my small brother, Nulan my big sister and Fa9ool my big brother.
OH GOD we would have SO Much FUN !
sometimes when i go to my grandma's (Dad's side) house i feel so Isolated .. like My family doesnt Belong there, I know they dont like as ! it SHOWS ! but being with them and acting normal like we Really care about each other .. since my grandpa Died *allah yr7mah * it Never really felt the same we just actually went there for Him ! and Now i feel like i was Cheated
its Not fair i was Just a KID .. im suposed to spend time with him ..
i only saw him Once or Twice a year ( for Eid ) .. im supossed to Hug him and feel Loved !
even though i didnt see him much, Never really talked to him .. just seeing his Face was enough holding him close and hugging him and feeling his renckled skin was ALL i ever had with Him !
its just Never works when we try to get close, The Harm was Done. !
Dont even let me Start with my Other family (Mom's side) lets just say with all do respect that my grandma is a Drama Queen sometimes she goes LOCO (loco = crazy) serouisly i cant even stand it but she is my grandma and i love her Allot .. but my grandpa is my Love, he is so Sweet ! and Innocent and AW ! when he talks about the GOOD OLD DAYS ! its just heart breaking seeing him so weak, but i wont lie they all are LOCO's.. sometimes!!.. no let me rephrase that Most of the time. !
but you know in the END, they are MY Family.
No matter how much i try to hate them, curse them, feel bad for them. they will always be there for Me .. That's what Family's For !
People Family is Family .. you can Never Cut them out of your Life .. NEVER ! .. so be Nice to each other !
and so there Blood runs throw My vains and for that i will Forever be Greatful !
Monday, March 2, 2009
Dreams !
Ever wished to have the opportunity to acomplish you'r Dreams ?!
were there anyone to help you ?
what happens when you have Tons of Dreams which just went to waste because No one ever gave you the chance to achieve them !?
when I was a kid I Always Dreamt .. my imagination would always run Wiled !
one Day I wanted to be a social worker the next I wanna save Tigers in Thailand a moment later I wanna make a Movie !
to Me Dreams are my only Escape when everything goes Wrong, when No one listens, when everybody lashes out on me !
I mean arent we all here to acomplish something or dont you work to acomplish you'r Dream ?!
believe it or not I really believe that instead of wasting my time Studying things that im Sure I wont major, that I should have the time to Start acomplishing My Dreams .. they look so far away !
I want to make a Difference ! .. Who doesn't ?
I want to do something Im Really good at and feel complete with myself !
instead im studying MATH which I must say that were NOT such Good Friends ( school Drama !)
dont You wanna make a Difference ! ..
make the World say " you'r name " helped as and was a Wonderfull person and we will always remember him !
I Sure Would !
Imagine those Dreams.. when you used to say I'm gonna do it !! but life takes you away from your target .. either you have a new born, sickness, poorness, you name it !
I just want to say to those people who Can make their Dreams come true ! What are you waiting for ? .. make it happen !!
I dont know why im writing this but since i can write whatever i want so Why Not ..
so Thanx and Wait for Stories to come !
were there anyone to help you ?
what happens when you have Tons of Dreams which just went to waste because No one ever gave you the chance to achieve them !?
when I was a kid I Always Dreamt .. my imagination would always run Wiled !
one Day I wanted to be a social worker the next I wanna save Tigers in Thailand a moment later I wanna make a Movie !
to Me Dreams are my only Escape when everything goes Wrong, when No one listens, when everybody lashes out on me !
I mean arent we all here to acomplish something or dont you work to acomplish you'r Dream ?!
believe it or not I really believe that instead of wasting my time Studying things that im Sure I wont major, that I should have the time to Start acomplishing My Dreams .. they look so far away !
I want to make a Difference ! .. Who doesn't ?
I want to do something Im Really good at and feel complete with myself !
instead im studying MATH which I must say that were NOT such Good Friends ( school Drama !)
dont You wanna make a Difference ! ..
make the World say " you'r name " helped as and was a Wonderfull person and we will always remember him !
I Sure Would !
Imagine those Dreams.. when you used to say I'm gonna do it !! but life takes you away from your target .. either you have a new born, sickness, poorness, you name it !
I just want to say to those people who Can make their Dreams come true ! What are you waiting for ? .. make it happen !!
I dont know why im writing this but since i can write whatever i want so Why Not ..
so Thanx and Wait for Stories to come !
sorry for spelling or grammer mistake.. im still new to this =P
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